If you have a question, or you want to say something, or ask for advice, or anything, please leave a message in my ask box.
Come here right now, me and you are going to have a cuddle-session and hug and cry over our conflicting feelings and then read lots of sweet, well-written D/s fanfiction where you see from the sub’s point of view and understand how much a sub loves being controlled and marked, and read Dom POVs so you can see your feelings in a different light, and just… ugh, I understand you completely. This is exactly where I was when pet first stirred up my dominant side.
The first thing you have to understand is that D/s relationships are very difficult to make logical sense of. At first glance, they seem contradictory and hypocritical and almost abusive and ohgodhowcouldanydecentpersonbeintothis?
Take in a deeeeeeep breath.
And leeeeeeet it out.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a cruel person. You are, in fact, a loving, protective, wonderful person; and your love for this girl is no less amazing than any other form of love out there.
Your love for this girl and your sadism are two completely different things. The sadism is a desire to claim her, to possess her and show her just how much you want her; it’s also just a basic, sexual kink. The idea of causing her pain in a certain setting turns you on.
Make sure you’re respecting her. She has her own desires and she is her own person, who can make her own choices. If she wants to participate in bdsm/domsub things with you, then bam, we have two consenting parties who want the same thing. Just make sure that you have a safeword, and don’t be afraid to use it. This is what safewords are for! They ensure that both of you can stop playing at any time, no exceptions.
The language of sadomasochism is difficult to translate. But when you have two people who both speak it, you get a couple who can communicate their love and trust in a way they both understand, who are confident enough in each other that they can let go and explore their desires. There is something unbelievably intimate about S&M, when it’s done between people who care about each other.
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… this took way longer than I expected, I’m so sorry. I kept going back and erasing bits and rewriting paragraphs because I wanted to say everything perfectly. But hopefully this helps you at least a little bit <3
I thought I was going to come back to no followers at all, but here I am with more than I left with. Huzzah for good things!
If you mean premature ejaculation as in cumming without permission, I think a few days without permission to masturbate works the best. If the dom wants to up the ante a bit, then locking the sub in a chastity device for a couple days is always a good option.
AnonymousThank you! pet and I have been neglecting our blogs for work and such, but I’m happy to see that there are still people reading in the meantime :)
I’m scared to punish pet. There are quite a few instances over the course of my life where I was teased or avoided or abandoned because of my sadistic, dominant tendencies. I was raised in a martial-arts community, where honor was stressed so much that starting a fight outside of class guaranteed…
It seems like you are your pet need a contract. This would outline the ways you would both like to express your needs, and make it clear what kinks are not your kinks (and your pets too). This way you would not need to feel insecure about your sadism, knowing your pet loves and craves these things. And your pet would feel free to release themselves from any worries about their safety. And thus allowing themselves to sink themselves into the position of submissive more freely.
I myself am very new to this part of myself, but I believe these things are fairly common:
http://www.milism.net/contract.htm
I hope this helps.
Thank you so much. I was thinking about contracts the other day, but I’m completely lost as to how to go about it. I think this website will be really helpful, thanks for linking me to it!
What would be a fitting punishment for pet refusing to obey my order?
We discovered the other day that having Pet snap a rubber band against his skin is pleasurable for him in small amounts, so perhaps I could push it further?
I’m too nice to him when he misbehaves. I know that I have my reasons for it, but if I keep letting him off when he says no to me, he’s going to get rebellious and spoiled. There’s always the dry-period punishment: making him go x number of days without being able to touch himself. Or I could force him to touch his cock or fuck his ass with the dildo, but deny him the right to cum. And each time he’d get close, I’d make him tell me, so that I could order him to stop. I’d do it over and over again, until he was begging, and I still wouldn’t give it to him. I’d make him go to sleep like that.
Speaking of punishments, pet was supposed to call me back by 11. He’s officially late~
I’m scared to punish pet. There are quite a few instances over the course of my life where I was teased or avoided or abandoned because of my sadistic, dominant tendencies. I was raised in a martial-arts community, where honor was stressed so much that starting a fight outside of class guaranteed you expulsion from your training school. At the same time, my parents expected me to be a polite little girl. I was punished for inconveniencing others or for perceived aggression.
None of this managed to squash my sadomasochism, but it did make me afraid to act on those feelings. Even since I formed my own moral code, I’ve always held tight to the one principle that intentionally hurting someone I love is the worst crime I could commit. And then I found pet, who loved that sadistic side of me, instead of seeing me as a monster because of it.
I think it’s because I can’t see him in person that I’m still feeling conflicted. If I could be there to feel his body trembling with pleasure while I whip him, I think it might help me feel better. He honestly loves it when I hurt him, and while that’s still something I’m getting used to, it’s also one of the things that makes me so grateful for him. He reminds me of who I am, and gets me to focus on myself as a whole when I start analyzing individual parts too closely.
When I can get my thoughts to be coherent, I’ll try to write a post about why the sadism-masochism dynamic helps me and pet be even closer emotionally. But for now, I’m still a lot confused.
I’m all flustered now. It might not be a huge number, but it means a lot to me that there are 48 of you who care enough about mine and Pet’s relationship, and what I have to say.
Thanks. :3
